One of the biggest things that scared me about being on my own now is missing out on some of the “firsts” that Benjamin will inevitably encounter while he is spending days with his mom. i will certainly have my share of moments as well, but there will be, without a doubt, some things that i end up missing.
Well, one of those opportunities happened today and to my benefit, it was all me. Through a twist of circumstance, I got to spend a second Sunday in a row with Benjamin. This meant that he was with me this morning… his first day of pre-school.
I knew he was going, but it really didn’t hit me until I was getting him ready this morning that he was actually going to school. I don't think it really hit home for him either. He must have asked half a dozen times if Jaz was coming today. When I replied that she wasn’t, he asked, "Then who will be staying with me?"
I know that he knew school was today, but not sure he realized what was all involved as the two trial days he was accompanied by his grandma and mom the whole time. So it seemed pretty clear that he thought that someone would be staying with him all day. This worried me a bit in that I would have to leave him at some point… how would he react?
As it turns out... Splendidly. That's right, i said "Splendidly"
(Incidentally, though i would have to leave him, i didn't really want to. not only because i love spending time with him but that pre-school seems like about the coolest thing anyone could ever spend a day doing. How does the saying go? Youth is wasted on the young.)
When we got to school, even before we reached the door to his classroom, he found the coat hook he had been assigned last week and took of his coat and hung it up. They had it labeled with a purple pentagon (all the kids have different shapes). We went into the classroom and he pulled out his cubby with the same label and started to empty out his backpack into it. This kid sure does pick up on things in a hurry!
From there he took me on a tour of the classroom and I found out that he really likes the loft area. Really? This from the boy that likes to climb, jump, burrow…, so it did not surprise me at all that he seemed to enjoy the perch high (well, relatively high) above the classroom where he can both have a space to himself as well as survey the land around that is now his domain. We'll call this space, 'Jamland.'
We also found that the space below the loft that had pillows and books. For a brief second he asked me to read him a book but then we decided we should continue with the tour. It was off to the kitchen area. Benjamin loves kitchens and cooking – pretend or real.
We settled in on the “make believe table” where there was a fire truck puzzle. The teacher encouraged us to put it together and Benjamin jumped right in. He spotted a dalmatian on the front of the box and immediately went looking for the dog piece. We found it and while it was a unique piece, it was difficult to connect. We put together some other pieces and he eventually got back to the dalmatian. He was very pleased to have completed the puzzle and was enthusiastic about cleaning it up and putting away, singing the 'clean up' song the whole time - interrupted only when he insisted that I help him clean up as well. As the song goes, "everybody do their share." So i did :)
The teacher suggested another puzzle (btw, it was just the three of us and one other kid in the room at the time). She gave Benjamin the choice of a couple of puzzles. He picked the fish one with Nemo and Marlin. It wasn’t actually Nemo and Marlin, but these days most orange fish end up being Nemo and Marlin.
As they started to get out the pieces I thought it a good opportunity to leave. I didn’t want to – I wanted to stay and play with him all day – but it was a good time to go. He gave me a kiss and said, “bye dad,” and I left.
He was un-phased and I was very proud of him. I, on the other hand, was a little confused on how to react:
I got a little misty.
I debated running back and giving him a big hug.
I thought that maybe I could go by at lunch.
In the end I left, went to work and figured that this was one of those days where it was important for both of us to take that step.
I left happy, proud and with the full realization that my little guy was not as little as he used to be… and that there would be many, many days ahead where I would have to fight holding on or letting him grow. I hope that I can be as brave as he.
What I will miss, and what I would really like to do is to be there to pick him up this evening. I would love to hear all about his day! But alas, today is a day where Deborah gets to pick him up so I will have to wait a couple of days to talk to him about it. Regardless, this morning was mine to experience with my son. My wonderful, amazing son.
Update:
I spoke to the soon to him this evening on the phone. I asked if he had fun today. "Yep" he replied happily. Did you learn anything? "No, just played."
That sounds great to me!
Monday, October 4, 2010
A New Beginning
So… as I am now headlong into my biggest and scariest adventure yet, I figure it may be a good idea to get back to keeping track of things myself. I would like to keep this regularly regardless of whether it is Benjamin related or not, but I think that regular posting is a pretty hard thing to do. Still, I will try.
I am not sure what direction this will take… short funny stories? Day long detail? Ramblings with no point whatsoever… who knows? Its been a crazy couple of months for sure and its all getting mixed up in my head – and that’s already a bit mixed up to begin with, so here we are again. .
I am not sure what direction this will take… short funny stories? Day long detail? Ramblings with no point whatsoever… who knows? Its been a crazy couple of months for sure and its all getting mixed up in my head – and that’s already a bit mixed up to begin with, so here we are again. .
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
One Of Those Moments
At a baby shower for my cousin yesterday he was asking a little about parenting and its effect on what is currently 'normal' life. He said that he had friends that said that a lot of it sucks but that there are moments that are great. It got me to thinking...
I think I would modify the phrasing a little. Life is different, much different than it used to be and there are things that you do that take you away from what you might have been doing before the kid came along - things that you have always enjoyed and had fun with. Coming home and foregoing walking the dog or cooking a nice meal or simply laying on the couch in order to feed or entertain or pick up after the kid can seem like a sacrifice if all you do is dwell upon those things that you are not able to do. At that point it might seem like it sucks. Where it turns into my description of not being bad, but merely different it when I was able to change my perspective a little bit. Its not about not getting to do these other things, but rather what i get to do. I get to spend time with the most important person in my life.
Sure. Poop is nasty and your back starts to hurt from finger walking him around for months because he simply will not crawl, preferring to try to walk to get places. The house stayed a little messier and the improvement projects don't get done like they always have. Its just different.
He will not understand that I had a rough day at work. I can't explain to him that I am tired and just need to rest. But when I come home, he is so happy to see his dad and all he wants to do is spend time with me. It is a fantastic feeling and something you find in very few other places.
I've learned to enjoy what I am doing and the time I have with him - and that is better than any rerun that I might otherwise find on TV. Better than a fancy meal. Better than a nap. Its tough, but its not bad, at all.
There are days and times that are difficult and there are moments that are great. Then there are moments that are truly amazing. Moments that you never saw coming. Moments that are completely irreplaceable that you wouldn't trade for anything. I had one of those last night.
After a long day where he had been a serious trooper we put him to bed. He wasn't all that excited to go down but we did our routine, read stories and after some stalling on his part he decided it was OK to get in bed and lay down. We went downstairs and I watched some TV while AdventureWife blogged and sorted pictures from the weekend.
Not much time had passed and the boy started letting us know that he was in fact, not ready to go to bed. He started whining and then screaming, he was quiet and then it all started again. I went up and peeked through his door and he was yelling "Daddy, Daddy" I can only hear the unhappy boy yelling for me for so long before I give in and go rescue him. I creep in and there is no doubt that he is glad to see me. I want to avoid going downstairs as he would just fight to watch the Jungle Book. Which is OK, but I don't want him getting used to watching TV to fall asleep (though it works pretty well for his parents).
We sit in the rocking chair and he snuggles in and calms down. After a few minutes, he points to his little couch and says, "Couch, nap." So we migrate over to his couch and I bump the guitar that is sitting next to it. He points out that he put his guitars away before going to bed, for which I thank him. :) He then asks me to play, but is clear when he says, "no loud" that he wants me to play something mellow.
I start picking something and then start singing softly. He is a big fan of being sung to. He enjoys it and near the end climbs onto my lap. I am laying down so it's a little awkward and can no longer play the guitar. That's OK because after a couple of minutes he lays down on his back on my chest. His head is snuggled next to mine and he says "Daddy, book." I ask him what book he wants me to read and he replies, "Little Bear." Now this is where I just about lost it.
'Little Bear' is what he calls a book actually titled "I Love You Daddy." It is a book about a Daddy Bear who's son is growing up and takes him to do all sorts of things like climb trees and gather honey and find a winter den. Little Bear finds he is able to do all these things and Daddy Bear is very proud of his son.
I just hug him tightly for probably too long, shed more than one tear and tell him that I love my little bear. I figure that I should read his request but when I try to move to get the book he reaches back, grabs my face and says, "Stay." Well, this was followed by more waterworks and more squeezing of my wonderful little boy.
We lay there snuggling and he eventually fell asleep. I stayed for a while just enjoying the moment and not wanting it to end. I finally decide that it is time and I put him to bed. He stirs a little but snuggles in with his kitty and is right back to sleep.
There are a lot of things that get me down these days. There are a lot of things that I feel like I might be missing or having to sacrifice.
I wouldn't trade any of those things for the 45 minutes spent with my son last night.
I think I would modify the phrasing a little. Life is different, much different than it used to be and there are things that you do that take you away from what you might have been doing before the kid came along - things that you have always enjoyed and had fun with. Coming home and foregoing walking the dog or cooking a nice meal or simply laying on the couch in order to feed or entertain or pick up after the kid can seem like a sacrifice if all you do is dwell upon those things that you are not able to do. At that point it might seem like it sucks. Where it turns into my description of not being bad, but merely different it when I was able to change my perspective a little bit. Its not about not getting to do these other things, but rather what i get to do. I get to spend time with the most important person in my life.
Sure. Poop is nasty and your back starts to hurt from finger walking him around for months because he simply will not crawl, preferring to try to walk to get places. The house stayed a little messier and the improvement projects don't get done like they always have. Its just different.
He will not understand that I had a rough day at work. I can't explain to him that I am tired and just need to rest. But when I come home, he is so happy to see his dad and all he wants to do is spend time with me. It is a fantastic feeling and something you find in very few other places.
I've learned to enjoy what I am doing and the time I have with him - and that is better than any rerun that I might otherwise find on TV. Better than a fancy meal. Better than a nap. Its tough, but its not bad, at all.
There are days and times that are difficult and there are moments that are great. Then there are moments that are truly amazing. Moments that you never saw coming. Moments that are completely irreplaceable that you wouldn't trade for anything. I had one of those last night.
After a long day where he had been a serious trooper we put him to bed. He wasn't all that excited to go down but we did our routine, read stories and after some stalling on his part he decided it was OK to get in bed and lay down. We went downstairs and I watched some TV while AdventureWife blogged and sorted pictures from the weekend.
Not much time had passed and the boy started letting us know that he was in fact, not ready to go to bed. He started whining and then screaming, he was quiet and then it all started again. I went up and peeked through his door and he was yelling "Daddy, Daddy" I can only hear the unhappy boy yelling for me for so long before I give in and go rescue him. I creep in and there is no doubt that he is glad to see me. I want to avoid going downstairs as he would just fight to watch the Jungle Book. Which is OK, but I don't want him getting used to watching TV to fall asleep (though it works pretty well for his parents).
We sit in the rocking chair and he snuggles in and calms down. After a few minutes, he points to his little couch and says, "Couch, nap." So we migrate over to his couch and I bump the guitar that is sitting next to it. He points out that he put his guitars away before going to bed, for which I thank him. :) He then asks me to play, but is clear when he says, "no loud" that he wants me to play something mellow.
I start picking something and then start singing softly. He is a big fan of being sung to. He enjoys it and near the end climbs onto my lap. I am laying down so it's a little awkward and can no longer play the guitar. That's OK because after a couple of minutes he lays down on his back on my chest. His head is snuggled next to mine and he says "Daddy, book." I ask him what book he wants me to read and he replies, "Little Bear." Now this is where I just about lost it.
'Little Bear' is what he calls a book actually titled "I Love You Daddy." It is a book about a Daddy Bear who's son is growing up and takes him to do all sorts of things like climb trees and gather honey and find a winter den. Little Bear finds he is able to do all these things and Daddy Bear is very proud of his son.
I just hug him tightly for probably too long, shed more than one tear and tell him that I love my little bear. I figure that I should read his request but when I try to move to get the book he reaches back, grabs my face and says, "Stay." Well, this was followed by more waterworks and more squeezing of my wonderful little boy.
We lay there snuggling and he eventually fell asleep. I stayed for a while just enjoying the moment and not wanting it to end. I finally decide that it is time and I put him to bed. He stirs a little but snuggles in with his kitty and is right back to sleep.
There are a lot of things that get me down these days. There are a lot of things that I feel like I might be missing or having to sacrifice.
I wouldn't trade any of those things for the 45 minutes spent with my son last night.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Waking Up is Hard to Do
Sounds like a song, but it is a sad reality. Its about half and half if the boy wakes up cute and easy or if he wakes up grumpy (though still cute). It usually takes just a few minutes until he is able to get hold of himself, realize that life is good and come out of it. Sometimes a cracker helps, but usually it is pretty quick. Yesterday was a different story.
He was asleep when I got home from work and slept for about a half hour after that. When he woke, I went to get him. He was a little unhappy and I let him try to work it out on his own for a few minutes. When it finally became clear that he wasn’t going to snap out of it, I thought it was time for Super-Dad (delusional temporary title) to step in and take care of his boy, hopefully providing an instant smile!
It was not to be.
To make this long story short, I tried everything I could think of and no matter if he got what he wanted he immediately wanted something else. About 50 minutes of crying and screaming later we were sitting in his room while I was trying to put his shoes on so that we could go outside, he wanted something else. My head dropped to my hands and I simply asked, “ Please Benjamin, please work with Dad here, please” there was a whimper and a sigh from the once deluded Super-Dad. Then the craziest thing happened… the crying stopped and his little foot went into the air. I did a bit of a double take but the sock went on followed by his shoe. The other sock was already on, but he lifted his foot for me to put his other shoe on. When we were done, he stood up and leaned over and gave me a hug. I nearly shed tears.
It seems that he knew that his dad was sad and needed a hug. He put his issues aside and came to support the person that is supposed to be there for him. The crying was done and the rest of the evening was a fun, playful time.
I truly have a wonderful little boy.
...Then again he might just be testing to see just how far he can push me… in which case he is a crafty little bugger
He was asleep when I got home from work and slept for about a half hour after that. When he woke, I went to get him. He was a little unhappy and I let him try to work it out on his own for a few minutes. When it finally became clear that he wasn’t going to snap out of it, I thought it was time for Super-Dad (delusional temporary title) to step in and take care of his boy, hopefully providing an instant smile!
It was not to be.
To make this long story short, I tried everything I could think of and no matter if he got what he wanted he immediately wanted something else. About 50 minutes of crying and screaming later we were sitting in his room while I was trying to put his shoes on so that we could go outside, he wanted something else. My head dropped to my hands and I simply asked, “ Please Benjamin, please work with Dad here, please” there was a whimper and a sigh from the once deluded Super-Dad. Then the craziest thing happened… the crying stopped and his little foot went into the air. I did a bit of a double take but the sock went on followed by his shoe. The other sock was already on, but he lifted his foot for me to put his other shoe on. When we were done, he stood up and leaned over and gave me a hug. I nearly shed tears.
It seems that he knew that his dad was sad and needed a hug. He put his issues aside and came to support the person that is supposed to be there for him. The crying was done and the rest of the evening was a fun, playful time.
I truly have a wonderful little boy.
...Then again he might just be testing to see just how far he can push me… in which case he is a crafty little bugger
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The Disappearing Act
Like a magician's finale... poof... she was gone.
One of the most heart wrenching and emotional experiences happened this past weekend. It seems that in an instant my little Adventure-Dog had left our lives for good. At first it was just that she had run out of the yard through ones of its gaping holes as she is known to do. We figured a) she is in the neighbors yard, b) wee will look for her and call for her and she will come home or c) one of our friendly neighbors will find her, call us and while feeling like an awful dog parent I will go pick her up fro 7 houses away and bring her home.
This time was different, except for still feeling like an awful dog parent. After we noticed she was gone we wandered the immediate streets calling for her. Then decided that we would probably get a phone call in the next 15 minutes so we went home. Well, that phone call didn't come... and didn't come. That afternoon I drove around and while I was getting frustrated not finding the dog, I did run into a few people I hadn't seen in a while. A friend from High School that I hadn't seen in about a year. A girl I climbed with last year. And the wonderful Hill family, twice!
The details moving forward are not important, but the anguish felt by our family is. It was much worse than I would have expected this to be. What am I thinking? She was a pet. Just a pet. Not a part of the family. She wasn't AdventureBaby. She wasn't AdventureWife. she was just a dog. I shouldn't be torn up about a dog disappearing.
Don't worry, I don't believe that crap either!
She has been the best hiking partner, my yard work helper, my pillow, someone who would listen to me complain and not get tired of it. A good wrestler. A great fetcher even if she isn't so great at giving it back once she retrieved it.
She is our dog, our four legged daughter and a big part of our family. It was awful when she was gone and i was beyond joyful when i heard she was found!
We will lose her someday, I know this. But it won't be because she slipped through a gap in a fence and disappeared. it will be after many more years of hiking, swimming, playing and teaching AdventureBaby about how wonderful dogs can be. i will miss her then, but for now... I will not think about it. I have my friend back and I will appreciate that for as long as she is with us.
One of the most heart wrenching and emotional experiences happened this past weekend. It seems that in an instant my little Adventure-Dog had left our lives for good. At first it was just that she had run out of the yard through ones of its gaping holes as she is known to do. We figured a) she is in the neighbors yard, b) wee will look for her and call for her and she will come home or c) one of our friendly neighbors will find her, call us and while feeling like an awful dog parent I will go pick her up fro 7 houses away and bring her home.
This time was different, except for still feeling like an awful dog parent. After we noticed she was gone we wandered the immediate streets calling for her. Then decided that we would probably get a phone call in the next 15 minutes so we went home. Well, that phone call didn't come... and didn't come. That afternoon I drove around and while I was getting frustrated not finding the dog, I did run into a few people I hadn't seen in a while. A friend from High School that I hadn't seen in about a year. A girl I climbed with last year. And the wonderful Hill family, twice!
The details moving forward are not important, but the anguish felt by our family is. It was much worse than I would have expected this to be. What am I thinking? She was a pet. Just a pet. Not a part of the family. She wasn't AdventureBaby. She wasn't AdventureWife. she was just a dog. I shouldn't be torn up about a dog disappearing.
Don't worry, I don't believe that crap either!
She has been the best hiking partner, my yard work helper, my pillow, someone who would listen to me complain and not get tired of it. A good wrestler. A great fetcher even if she isn't so great at giving it back once she retrieved it.
She is our dog, our four legged daughter and a big part of our family. It was awful when she was gone and i was beyond joyful when i heard she was found!
We will lose her someday, I know this. But it won't be because she slipped through a gap in a fence and disappeared. it will be after many more years of hiking, swimming, playing and teaching AdventureBaby about how wonderful dogs can be. i will miss her then, but for now... I will not think about it. I have my friend back and I will appreciate that for as long as she is with us.
Dropping the bomb
As some of you (ok all of you) have heard, my sweet little boy said a naughty the other day. Not the worst, but right on up there.
You see, he is quite the giften mimmick these days. He likes ice. I say Jam, do you want some ice? He says, "Ih" (Ice without the s sound). How about down? "dow" he says. So it seems only logical that when dad took a little slip on a stair and follows it with a certain exclamation tha he would surely say "fu." And did he say it just once? Nope, he said it again, and then again, and then, as I reached the bottom of the stairs, he said it again. Apparently it is super fun to say. Apparently I also enjoy saying it. I'll have to work on that...
I have been toying with other 'swear' words that are not so sweary. There is the obvious 'Fudge.' But that just seems silly. I have mostly been trying 'snap!' which seems to work pretty well in most cases, but it is hardly second nature yet. If anyone has suggestions for alternative swear words that have worked for you, please let me know!
After that last paragraph, it gets me wondering... why do I need a swear word? I am going to leave that question for another day and just kind of ease out of it with a replacement... for now. Until that time when I can be completely swear free (any bets on when that happens?) I will just have to make sure that AdventureBaby has things to repeat that are a little more appropriate for a boy of his age and cuteness.
You see, he is quite the giften mimmick these days. He likes ice. I say Jam, do you want some ice? He says, "Ih" (Ice without the s sound). How about down? "dow" he says. So it seems only logical that when dad took a little slip on a stair and follows it with a certain exclamation tha he would surely say "fu." And did he say it just once? Nope, he said it again, and then again, and then, as I reached the bottom of the stairs, he said it again. Apparently it is super fun to say. Apparently I also enjoy saying it. I'll have to work on that...
I have been toying with other 'swear' words that are not so sweary. There is the obvious 'Fudge.' But that just seems silly. I have mostly been trying 'snap!' which seems to work pretty well in most cases, but it is hardly second nature yet. If anyone has suggestions for alternative swear words that have worked for you, please let me know!
After that last paragraph, it gets me wondering... why do I need a swear word? I am going to leave that question for another day and just kind of ease out of it with a replacement... for now. Until that time when I can be completely swear free (any bets on when that happens?) I will just have to make sure that AdventureBaby has things to repeat that are a little more appropriate for a boy of his age and cuteness.
a little time on my hands
So I am sitting in the airport in Redmond, OR and have some time to kill. I think, "What better time to catch up on the blog than this?" It might seem like it was entirely my brilliant idea to do this, but over the past couple of days I have been 'reminded' that I have not kept my promise to keep up a little better on this here page.
With that said, I think I will knock out a couple...
But first let's talk about Redmond Oregon. Lovely place, did you know it snows here?
After the last meeting of the day and before heading out to look at some RR locations, we swung by the Smith Rock climbing area. Despite the snow there were a dozen or so cars in the parking lot. (for those not in the climbing know, Smith Rock is one of the premier climbing areas in the US).
We walked up to a lookout and sure enough, there were people all over the rock! Smartly, they were climbing on the leeward side, but still, the rock had to have been freezing their fingers. Last year, about this time, I was in Leavenworth under similar conditions. While I did enjoy myself, I decided there that climbing was to be a warmer weather endeavor.
So anyway... there are some quick thoughts on Redmond and its most interesting surrounding area.
With that said, I think I will knock out a couple...
But first let's talk about Redmond Oregon. Lovely place, did you know it snows here?
After the last meeting of the day and before heading out to look at some RR locations, we swung by the Smith Rock climbing area. Despite the snow there were a dozen or so cars in the parking lot. (for those not in the climbing know, Smith Rock is one of the premier climbing areas in the US).
We walked up to a lookout and sure enough, there were people all over the rock! Smartly, they were climbing on the leeward side, but still, the rock had to have been freezing their fingers. Last year, about this time, I was in Leavenworth under similar conditions. While I did enjoy myself, I decided there that climbing was to be a warmer weather endeavor.
So anyway... there are some quick thoughts on Redmond and its most interesting surrounding area.
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